Monthly archives: September, 2013

It’s easy to feel very small in this world. Eli is one of 1.3 BILLION people who live in China. He’s also 1 of of 1 BILLION people with disabilities that live around the world. As I try to imagine what his life has been like and piece together a history that I know one day, he’ll need and want, it can feel daunting. I can’t really be sure the picture of the orphanage I’ve found is his or the province where he lives is at all what he will remember it to be. I can’t google sounds, smells, and sights that a child grows to know as home. What I can do, though, is try. In addition to our adoption process, we’ve been learning what we can about China and reaching out to other families who have already completed this journey or are along with us for the ride!

Just like our rich disability community, there’s an enormous and well-connected online adoption community. It’s made up of listserves, message boards, blogs like this one, and Facebook groups. As I introduced myself in some of these forums-something amazing happened. Another adoptive mother believed she had pictures of our son from his orphanage and his foster home. She’d just returned from China with her son in May. She’d sent a disposable camera a few weeks before her arrival and her son’s foster mother had filled the camera. At first, I couldn’t believe it…It would be amazing but really-what are the chances? When I opened the email though, I knew…It’s him, our Eli.

These pictures are such an incredible gift from someone I’ll likely never meet. In addition to my own desire to see and find anything I can about his past, I’ll now have pictures to share with Eli-of his friends, foster mothers who loved him, and places that he’s called home. Of course, we can’t ever be 100% sure it’s Eli. But not only does it align perfectly with his other pictures but he has a pretty significant and visible scar on the upper right of his forehead…in each and every picture we have of him!

Like this entire journey, we’ve taken hold of these pictures and chosen to have faith and believe. We hope Eli is doing the same.

 I’ll leave you with another snapshot from our photo angel. In the one below, Eli’s (holding a pillow) celebrating with his friend who’s learned he will be adopted. I love his BIG eyes ready for the cake! 

Please help us by continuing to share our blog and new Facebook page. This story is a good example-you never know what can come of those connections! 

One of our many goals for this blog has been to share a bit more about our perspective as parents with disabilities navigating the adoption process. Admittedly, we’ve been nervous. We know to expect adversity and there are moments that we wait with anticipation that someone along the way will question or doubt. So far though, we’ve encountered a long line of helpful, supportive, and even enthusiastic professional partners in our journey. On Friday, we completed the third of four home study meetings and we’re getting closer and closer to that finish line. A few people have asked so we thought we’d answer:

What’s in a home study?

The first step in the home study process is a gigantic set of paperwork. We’ve worked on this from several weeks prior to our first meeting and then each week we check off more items and discuss any revisions, changes, or additions. The paperwork has included a fire inspection (conducted by our local fire station), physicals for everyone in the family, residential history (which is more difficult than you’d think when you were once a nomad college student!), financial forms, tax returns, letters from references,  a 14+ hour adoption training program (conducted online), proof of all sorts of insurances, letters from our local police stations (that we aren’t wanted!), a child profile that lists everything and anything you’d consider accepting in an adopted child, and about a dozen other forms.

In addition to paperwork, there was the safety audit. Even though Eli will be at least 6 when he comes home, we can’t be sure he’s ever lived in a residential setting with typical dangers. Prior to our audit, we installed more child proofing precautions than we’ve even used with Hannah. We know we won’t have the opportunity at first to verbally explain dangers (like plugs or cabinets with cleaners). Other than that, the safety audit didn’t include much more than a good housecleaning. We are now safety approved!

The last and my favorite part of the homestudy process has been interviews with our social worker. After our first meeting together, she’s interviewed each of us separately for the last two sessions. She’s open-minded, easy to talk to, and has brought up so many things to think about. It’s easy to be open with her about questions, concerns, and our excitement. I love the way she also seems to see our perspective on disability as a huge asset to parenting Eli. I’ve appreciated her support in preparing for people’s ignorance around adoption and specifically adopting a child with China. I’ll admit I underestimated the hurtfulness of some comments and am working to prepare myself to better handle these when it matters-when Eli also hears them. Dealing with insensitivity and just plain ignorance is something that our disabilities have given us extensive practice in but it’s a skill I wish I had to use less often!

Entering the home study process, I anticipated that we’d often need to defend our disability and explain our abilities. That hasn’t been the case. We’ve been able to demonstrate our ability through our own history and by pulling together pieces of our lives that every other adoptive parent does at this time. To outsiders, the home study process seems an enormous sacrifice of time, effort, and money. For the most part, I’ve found the process guides you to organize, document, and learn things that are helpful to parenting in general. We’ll have our last meeting on Friday and while I’m ready to finish this step in the process, I’ll be a little sad to see our weekly meetings come to an end.